Joseph Andrews Read online

  The poet carries this very far:—

  None are for being what they are in fault,

  But for not being what they would be thought.

  Where if the metre would suffer the word ridiculous to close the first line, the thought would be rather more proper. Great vices are the proper objects of our detestation, smaller faults, of our pity; but affectation appears to me the only true source of the ridiculous.

  But perhaps it may be objected to me, that I have against my own rules introduced vices, and of a very black kind, into this work. To which I shall answer: first, that it is very difficult to pursue a series of human actions, and keep clear from them. Secondly, that the vices to be found here, are rather the accidental consequences of some human frailty or foible, than causes habitually existing in the mind. Thirdly, that they are never set forth as the objects of ridicule, but detestation. Fourthly, that they are never the principal figure at that time on the scene: and, lastly, they never produce the intended evil.

  Having thus distinguished Joseph Andrews from the productions of romance writers on the one hand and burlesque writers on the other, and given some few very short hints (for I intended no more) of this species of writing, which I have affirmed to be hitherto unattempted in our language; I shall leave to my good-natured reader to apply my piece to my observations, and will detain him no longer than with a word concerning the characters in this work.

  And here I solemnly protest I have no intention to vilify or asperse any one; for though everything is copied from the book of nature, and scarce a character or action produced which I have not taken from my own observations and experience; yet I have used the utmost care to obscure the persons by such different circumstances, degrees, and colours, that it will be impossible to guess at them with any degree of certainty; and if it ever happens otherwise, it is only where the failure characterized is so minute, that it is a foible only which the party himself may laugh at as well as any other.

  As to the character of Adams, as it is the most glaring in the whole, so I conceive it is not to be found in any book now extant. It is designed a character of perfect simplicity; and as the goodness of his heart will recommend him to the good-natured, so I hope it will excuse me to the gentlemen of his cloth; for whom, while they are worthy of their sacred order, no man can possibly have a greater respect. They will therefore excuse me, notwithstanding the low adventures in which he is engaged, that I have made him a clergyman; since no other office could have given him so many opportunities of displaying his worthy inclinations.

  Table of Contents

  DOVER · THRIFT · EDITIONS

  Title Page

  Copyright Page

  Note

  Preface

  BOOK I.

  CHAPTER I. - OF WRITING LIVES IN GENERAL, AND PARTICULARLY OF PAMELA; WITH A WORD BY THE BYE OF COLLEY CIBBER AND OTHERS.

  CHAPTER II - OF MR JOSEPH ANDREWS, HIS BIRTH, PARENTAGE, EDUCATION, AND GREAT ENDOWMENTS; WITH A WORD OR TWO CONCERNING ANCESTORS.

  CHAPTER III. - OF MR ABRAHAM ADAMS THE CURATE, MRS SLIPSLOP THE CHAMBERMAID, AND OTHERS.

  CHAPTER IV. - WHAT HAPPENED AFTER THEIR JOURNEY TO LONDON.

  CHAPTER V. - THE DEATH OF SIR THOMAS BOOBY, WITH THE AFFECTIONATE AND MOURNFUL BEHAVIOUR OF HIS WIDOW, AND THE GREAT PURITY OF JOSEPH ANDREWS.

  CHAPTER VI. - HOW JOSEPH ANDREWS WRIT A LETTER TO HIS SISTER PAMELA.

  CHAPTER VII. - SAYINGS OF WISE MEN. A DIALOGUE BETWEEN THE LADY AND HER MAID; AND A PANEGYRIC, OR RATHER SATIRE, ON THE PASSION OF LOVE, IN THE SUBLIME STYLE.

  CHAPTER VIII. - IN WHICH, AFTER SOME VERY FINE WRITING, THE HISTORY GOES ON, AND RELATES THE INTERVIEW BETWEEN THE LADY AND JOSEPH; WHERE THE LATTER HATH SET AN EXAMPLE WHICH WE DESPAIR OF SEEING FOLLOWED BY HIS SEX IN THIS VICIOUS AGE.

  CHAPTER IX. - WHAT PASSED BETWEEN THE LADY AND MRS SLIPSLOP; IN WHICH WE PROPHESY THERE ARE SOME STROKES WHICH EVERY ONE WILL NOT TRULY COMPREHEND AT THE FIRST READING.

  CHAPTER X. - JOSEPH WRITES ANOTHER LETTER: HIS TRANSACTIONS WITH MR PETER POUNCE, ETC., WITH HIS DEPARTURE FROM LADY BOOBY.

  CHAPTER XI. - OF SEVERAL NEW MATTERS NOT EXPECTED.

  CHAPTER XII. - CONTAINING MANY SURPRISING ADVENTURES WHICH JOSEPH ANDREWS MET WITH ON THE ROAD, SCARCE CREDIBLE TO THOSE WHO HAVE NEVER TRAVELLED IN A STAGE-COACH.

  CHAPTER XIII. - WHAT HAPPENED TO JOSEPH DURING HIS SICKNESS AT THE INN, WITH THE CURIOUS DISCOURSE BETWEEN HIM AND MR BARNABAS, THE PARSON OF THE PARISH.

  CHAPTER XIV. - BEING VERY FULL OF ADVENTURES WHICH SUCCEEDED EACH OTHER AT THE END.

  CHAPTER XV. - SHOWING HOW MRS TOW-WOUSE WAS A LITTLE MOLLIFIED; AND HOW OFFICIOUS MR BARNABAS AND THE SURGEON WERE TO PROSECUTE THE THIEF: WITH A DISSERTATION ACCOUNTING FOR THEIR ZEAL, AND THAT OF MANY OTHER PERSONS NOT MENTIONED IN THIS HISTORY.

  CHAPTER XVI. - THE ESCAPE OF THE THIEF. MR ADAMS’S DISAPPOINTMENT. THE ARRIVAL OF TWO VERY EXTRAORDINARY PERSONAGES, AND THE INTRODUCTION OF PARSON ADAMS TO PARSON BARNABAS.

  CHAPTER XVII. - A PLEASANT DISCOURSE BETWEEN THE TWO PARSONS AND THE BOOKSELLER, WHICH WAS BROKE OFF BY AN UNLUCKY ACCIDENT HAPPENING IN THE INN, WHICH PRODUCED A DIALOGUE BETWEEN MRS TOW-WOUSE AND HER MAID OF NO GENTLE KIND.

  CHAPTER XVIII. - THE HISTORY OF BETTY THE CHAMBERMAID, AND AN ACCOUNT OF WHAT OCCASIONED THE VIOLENT SCENE IN THE PRECEDING CHAPTER.

  BOOK II.

  CHAPTER I. - OF DIVISIONS IN AUTHORS.

  CHAPTER II. - A SURPRISING INSTANCE OF MR ADAMS’S SHORT MEMORY, WITH THE UNFORTUNATE CONSEQUENCES WHICH IT BROUGHT ON JOSEPH.

  CHAPTER III. - THE OPINION OF TWO LAWYERS CONCERNING THE SAME GENTLEMAN, WITH MR ADAMS’S INQUIRY INTO THE RELIGION OF HIS HOST.

  CHAPTER IV - THE HISTORY OF LEONORA, OR THE UNFORTUNATE JILT.

  CHAPTER V. - A DREADFUL QUARREL WHICH HAPPENED AT THE INN WHERE THE COMPANY DINED, WITH ITS BLOODY CONSEQUENCES TO MR ADAMS.

  CHAPTER VI. - CONCLUSION OF THE UNFORTUNATE JILT.

  CHAPTER VII. - A VERY SHORT CHAPTER, IN WHICH PARSON ADAMS WENT A GREAT WAY.

  CHAPTER VIII. - A NOTABLE DISSERTATION BY MR ABRAHAM ADAMS; WHEREIN THAT GENTLEMAN APPEARS IN A POLITICAL LIGHT.

  CHAPTER IX. - IN WHICH THE GENTLEMAN DESCANTS ON BRAVERY AND HEROIC VIRTUE, TILL AN UNLUCKY ACCIDENT PUTS AN END TO THE DISCOURSE.

  CHAPTER X. - GIVING AN ACCOUNT OF THE STRANGE CATASTROPHE OF THE PRECEDING ADVENTURE, WHICH DREW POOR ADAMS INTO FRESH CALAMITIES; AND WHO THE WOMAN WAS WHO OWED THE PRESERVATION OF HER CHASTITY TO HIS VICTORIOUS ARM.

  CHAPTER XI. - WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM WHILE BEFORE THE JUSTICE. A CHAPTER VERY FULL OF LEARNING.

  CHAPTER XII. - A VERY DELIGHTFUL ADVENTURE, AS WELL TO THE PERSONS CONCERNED AS TO THE GOOD-NATURED READER.

  CHAPTER XIII. - A DISSERTATION CONCERNING HIGH PEOPLE AND LOW PEOPLE, WITH MRS SLIPSLOP’S DEPARTURE IN NO VERY GOOD TEMPER OF MIND, AND THE EVIL PLIGHT IN WHICH SHE LEFT ADAMS AND HIS COMPANY.

  CHAPTER XIV. - AN INTERVIEW BETWEEN PARSON ADAMS AND PARSON TRULLIBER.

  CHAPTER XV. - AN ADVENTURE THE CONSEQUENCE OF A NEW INSTANCE WHICH PARSON ADAMS GAVE OF HIS FORGETFULNESS.

  CHAPTER XVI. - A VERY CURIOUS ADVENTURE, IN WHICH MR ADAMS GAVE A MUCH GREATER INSTANCE OF THE HONEST SIMPLICITY OF HIS HEART THAN OF HIS EXPERIENCE IN THE WAYS OF THIS WORLD.

  CHAPTER XVII. - A DIALOGUE BETWEEN MR ABRAHAM ADAMS AND HIS HOST, WHICH, BY THE DISAGREEMENT IN THEIR OPINIONS, SEEMED TO THREATEN AN UNLUCKY CATASTROPHE, HAD IT NOT BEEN TIMELY PREVENTED BY THE RETURN OF THE LOVERS.

  BOOK III.

  CHAPTER I. - MATTER PREFATORY IN PRAISE OF BIOGRAPHY.

  CHAPTER II. - A NIGHT-SCENE, WHEREIN SEVERAL WONDERFUL ADVENTURES BEFEL ADAMS AND HIS FELLOW-TRAVELLERS.

  CHAPTER III. - IN WHICH THE GENTLEMAN RELATES THE HISTORY OF HIS LIFE.

  CHAPTER IV. - A DESCRIPTION OF MR WILSON’S WAY OF LIVING. THE TRAGICAL ADVENTURE OF THE DOG, AND OTHER GRAVE MATTERS.

  CHAPTER V. - A DISPUTATION ON SCHOOLS HELD ON THE ROAD BY MR ABRAHAM ADAMS AND JOSEPH; AND A DISCOVERY NOT UNWELCOME TO THEM BOTH.

  CHAPTER VI.
- MORAL REFLECTIONS BY JOSEPH ANDREWS; WITH THE HUNTING ADVENTURE, AND PARSON ADAMS’S MIRACULOUS ESCAPE.

  CHAPTER VII. - A SCENE OF ROASTING, VERY NICELY ADAPTED TO THE PRESENT TASTE AND TIMES.

  CHAPTER VIII. - WHICH SOME READERS WILL THINK TOO SHORT AND OTHERS TOO LONG.

  CHAPTER IX. - CONTAINING AS SURPRISING AND BLOODY ADVENTURES AS CAN BE FOUND IN THIS OR PERHAPS ANY OTHER AUTHENTIC HISTORY.

  CHAPTER X. - A DISCOURSE BETWEEN THE POET AND THE PLAYER; OF NO OTHER USE IN THIS HISTORY BUT TO DIVERT THE READER.

  CHAPTER XI. - CONTAINING THE EXHORTATIONS OF PARSON ADAMS TO HIS FRIEND IN AFFLICTION; CALCULATED FOR THE INSTRUCTION AND IMPROVEMENT OF THE READER.

  CHAPTER XII. - MORE ADVENTURES, WHICH WE HOPE WILL AS MUCH PLEASE AS SURPRISE THE READER.

  CHAPTER XIII. - A CURIOUS DIALOGUE WHICH PASSED BETWEEN MR ABRAHAM ADAMS AND MR PETER POUNCE, BETTER WORTH READING THAN ALL THE WORKS OF COLLEY CIBBER AND MANY OTHERS.

  BOOK IV.

  CHAPTER I. - THE ARRIVAL OF LADY BOOBY AND THE REST AT BOOBY-HALL.

  CHAPTER II. - A DIALOGUE BETWEEN MR ABRAHAM ADAMS AND LADY BOOBY.

  CHAPTER III. - WHAT PASSED BETWEEN THE LADY AND LAWYER SCOUT.

  CHAPTER IV. - A SHORT CHAPTER, BUT VERY FULL OF MATTER; PARTICULARLY THE ARRIVAL OF MR BOOBY AND HIS LADY.

  CHAPTER V. - CONTAINING JUSTICE BUSINESS; CURIOUS PRECEDENTS OF DEPOSITIONS, AND OTHER MATTERS NECESSARY TO BE PERUSED BY ALL JUSTICES OF THE PEACE AND THEIR CLERKS.

  CHAPTER VI. - OF WHICH YOU ARE DESIRED TO READ NO MORE THAN YOU LIKE.

  CHAPTER VII. - PHILOSOPHICAL REFLECTIONS, THE LIKE NOT TO BE FOUND IN ANY LIGHT FRENCH ROMANCE. MR BOOBY’S GRAVE ADVICE TO JOSEPH, AND FANNY’S ENCOUNTER WITH A BEAU.

  CHAPTER VIII. - A DISCOURSE WHICH HAPPENED BETWEEN MR ADAMS, MRS ADAMS, JOSEPH, AND FANNY; WITH SOME BEHAVIOUR OF MR ADAMS WHICH WILL BE CALLED BY SOME FEW READERS VERY LOW, ABSURD, AND UNNATURAL.

  CHAPTER IX. - A VISIT WHICH THE POLITE LADY BOOBY AND HER POLITE FRIEND PAID TO THE PARSON.

  CHAPTER X. - THE HISTORY OF TWO FRIENDS, WHICH MAY AFFORD AN USEFUL LESSON TO ALL THOSE PERSONS WHO HAPPEN TO TAKE UP THEIR RESIDENCE IN MARRIED FAMILIES.

  CHAPTER XI. - IN WHICH THE HISTORY IS CONTINUED.

  CHAPTER XII. - WHERE THE GOOD-NATURED READER WILL SEE SOMETHING WHICH WILL GIVE HIM NO GREAT PLEASURE.

  CHAPTER XIII. - THE HISTORY, RETURNING TO THE LADY BOOBY, GIVES SOME ACCOUNT OF THE TERRIBLE CONFLICT IN HER BREAST BETWEEN LOVE AND PRIDE; WITH WHAT HAPPENED ON THE PRESENT DISCOVERY.

  CHAPTER XIV. - CONTAINING SEVERAL CURIOUS NIGHT-ADVENTURES, IN WHICH MR ADAMS FELL INTO MANY HAIR-BREADTH ’SCAPES, PARTLY OWING TO HIS GOODNESS, AND PARTLY TO HIS INADVERTENCY.

  CHAPTER XV. - THE ARRIVAL OF GAFFAR AND GAMMAR ANDREWS, WITH ANOTHER PERSON NOT MUCH EXPECTED; AND A PERFECT SOLUTION OF THE DIFFICULTIES RAISED BY THE PEDLAR.

  CHAPTER XVI. - BEING THE LAST, IN WHICH THIS TRUE HISTORY IS BROUGHT TO A HAPPY CONCLUSION.

  DOVER · THRIFT · EDITIONS

  BOOK I.

  CHAPTER I.

  OF WRITING LIVES IN GENERAL, AND PARTICULARLY OF PAMELA; WITH A WORD BY THE BYE OF COLLEY CIBBER AND OTHERS.

  IT IS A trite but true observation, that examples work more forcibly on the mind than precepts: and if this be just in what is odious and blameable, it is more strongly so in what is amiable and praiseworthy. Here emulation most effectually operates upon us, and inspires our imitation in an irresistible manner. A good man therefore is a standing lesson to all his acquaintance, and of far greater use in that narrow circle than a good book.

  But as it often happens that the best men are but little known, and consequently cannot extend the usefulness of their examples a great way; the writer may be called in aid to spread their history farther, and to present the amiable pictures to those who have not the happiness of knowing the originals; and so, by communicating such valuable patterns to the world, he may perhaps do a more extensive service to mankind than the person whose life originally afforded the pattern.

  In this light I have always regarded those biographers who have recorded the actions of great and worthy persons of both sexes. Not to mention those ancient writers which of late days are little read, being written in obsolete, and as they are generally thought, unintelligible languages, such as Plutarch, Nepos, and others which I heard of in my youth; our own language affords many of excellent use and instruction, finely calculated to sow the seeds of virtue in youth, and very easy to be comprehended by persons of moderate capacity. Such as the history of John the Great, who, by his brave and heroic actions against men of large and athletic bodies, obtained the glorious appellation of the Giant-killer; that of an earl of Warwick, whose Christian name was Guy; the lives of Argalus and Parthenia; and above all, the history of those seven worthy personages, the Champions of Christendom. In all these delight is mixed with instruction, and the reader is almost as much improved as entertained.

  But I pass by these and many others to mention two books lately published, which represent an admirable pattern of the amiable in either sex. The former of these, which deals in male virtue, was written by the great person himself, who lived the life he hath recorded, and is by many thought to have lived such a life only in order to write it. The other is communicated to us by an historian who borrows his lights, as the common method is, from authentic papers and records. The reader, I believe, already conjectures, I mean the lives of Mr Colley Cibber and of Mrs Pamela Andrews. How artfully doth the former, by insinuating that he escaped being promoted to the highest stations in Church and State, teach us a contempt of worldly grandeur! how strongly doth he inculcate an absolute submission to our superiors! Lastly, how completely doth he arm us against so uneasy, so wretched a passion as the fear of shame! how clearly doth he expose the emptiness and vanity of that phantom, reputation!

  What the female readers are taught by the memoirs of Mrs Andrews is so well set forth in the excellent essays or letters prefixed to the second and subsequent editions of that work, that it would be here a needless repetition. The authentic history with which I now present the public is an instance of the great good that book is likely to do, and of the prevalence of example which I have just observed: since it will appear that it was by keeping the excellent pattern of his sister’s virtues before his eyes, that Mr Joseph Andrews was chiefly enabled to preserve his purity in the midst of such great temptations. I shall only add that this character of male chastity, though doubtless as desirable and becoming in one part of the human species as in the other, is almost the only virtue which the great apologist hath not given himself for the sake of giving the example to his readers.

  CHAPTER II

  OF MR JOSEPH ANDREWS, HIS BIRTH, PARENTAGE, EDUCATION, AND GREAT ENDOWMENTS; WITH A WORD OR TWO CONCERNING ANCESTORS.

  MR JOSEPH ANDREWS, the hero of our ensuing history, was esteemed to be the only son of Gaffar and Gammar Andrews, and brother to the illustrious Pamela, whose virtue is at present so famous. As to his ancestors, we have searched with great diligence, but little success; being unable to trace them farther than his great-grandfather, who, as an elderly person in the parish remembers to have heard his father say, was an excellent cudgel-player. Whether he had any ancestors before this, we must leave to the opinion of our curious reader, finding nothing of sufficient certainty to rely on. However, we cannot omit inserting an epitaph which an ingenious friend of ours hath communicated:

  Stay, traveller, for underneath this pew

  Lies fast asleep that merry man Andrew:

  When the last day’s great sun shall gild the skies,

  Then he shall from his tomb get up and rise.

  Be merry while thou canst: for surely thou

  Shalt shortly be as sad as he is now.

  The words are almost out of the stone with antiquity. But it is needless to observe that Andrew here is writ without an s, and is, besides, a Christian name. My friend moreover, conjectures this to have been the founder of that sect of laughing philosophers since called Merr
y-andrews.

  To wave, therefore, a circumstance, which, though mentioned in conformity to the exact rules of biography, is not greatly material, I proceed to things of more consequence. Indeed, it is sufficiently certain that he had as many ancestors as the best man living, and, perhaps, if we look five or six hundreds years backwards, might be related to some persons of very great figure at present, whose ancestors within half the last century are buried in as great obscurity. But suppose, for argument’s sake, we should admit that he had no ancestors at all, but had sprung up, according to the modern phrase, out of a dunghill, as the Athenians pretended they themselves did from the earth, would not this autokopros1 have been justly entitled to all the praise arising from his own virtues? Would it not be hard that a man who hath no ancestors should therefore be rendered incapable of acquiring honour; when we see so many who have no virtues enjoying the honour of their forefathers? At ten years old (by which time his education was advanced to writing and reading) he was bound an apprentice, according to the statute, to Sir Thomas Booby, an uncle of Mr Booby’s by the father’s side. Sir Thomas having then an estate in his own hands, the young Andrews was at first employed in what in the country they call keeping birds. His office was to perform the part the ancients assigned to the god Priapus, which deity the moderns call by the name of Jack o’ Lent; but his voice being so extremely musical, that it rather allured the birds than terrified them, he was soon transplanted from the fields into the dog-kennel, where he was placed under the huntsman, and made what the sportsmen term a whipper-in. For this place likewise the sweetness of his voice disqualified him; the dogs preferring the melody of his chiding to all the alluring notes of the huntsman; who soon became so incensed at it, that he desired Sir Thomas to provide otherwise for him, and constantly laid every fault the dogs were at to the account of the poor boy, who was now transplanted to the stable. Here he soon gave proofs of strength and agility beyond his years, and constantly rode the most spirited and vicious horses to water, with an intrepidity which surprised every one. While he was in this station, he rode several races for Sir Thomas, and this with such expertness and success, that the neighbouring gentlemen frequently solicited the knight to permit little Joey (for so he was called) to ride their matches. The best gamesters, before they laid their money, always inquired which horse little Joey was to ride; and the bets were rather proportioned by the rider than by the horse himself; especially after he had scornfully refused a considerable bribe to play booty on such an occasion. This extremely raised his character, and so pleased the Lady Booby, that she desired to have him (being now seventeen years of age) for her own footboy. Joey was now preferred from the stable to attend on his lady, to go on her errands, stand behind her chair, wait at her tea-table, and carry her prayerbook to church; at which place his voice gave him an opportunity of distinguishing himself by singing psalms: he behaved likewise in every other respect so well at Divine service, that it recommended him to the notice of Mr Abraham Adams, the curate; who took an opportunity one day, as he was drinking a cup of ale in Sir Thomas’s kitchen, to ask the young man several questions concerning religion; with his answers to which he was wonderfully pleased.